By Christopher Willard, PsyD

The incredible thing about helping is that it has an exponential effect, rippling outward toward others. In fact, when we do something kind and generous, it may well come back around, science shows. We are likely to be compassionate when we feel safe and secure, but acting compassionately helps us feel safe, secure, and happy. It’s hard to say where it all begins. 

We used to think about only nature and nurture—genes or environment—with regard to our physical and mental health. The relatively new field of epigenetics; however, has shaken up more than a century of genetic science. Simply put, epigenetics explores the way our genes express themselves in relation to our experiences. 

Through the epigenetic lens, we’re learning that how we respond to the large and small stresses of life may impact our children and grandchildren at the genetic level. 

Our ancestors’ experiences may have reshaped their DNA, which expressed itself in new ways that were passed down to us. Take a look at your family tree: many of our ancestors experienced war, slavery, genocide, and/or poverty. These historic traumas and stresses may have altered the DNA we’re now walking around with today. The way we respond to stress—with optimism or pessimism, fear or generosity—is likely to be shaped by these same genetic influences. 

A team of researchers took a group of happy, well-adjusted, genetically identical mice and stressed half of them. The affected mice, not surprisingly, acted differently than the mice that lived a low-stress life of eating, napping, and performing low-impact hamster wheel workouts every day. 

When the researchers tested the stressed mice, they found parts of their DNA had actually activated as a result of the stress. What’s more, those genetic and behavioral changes were passed down even to the grandchildren of the mice, who were born with the genetic changes. 

As James Potash, MD, who led a study at Johns Hopkins University, put it, “If you think of the stress system as preparing you for fight or flight, you might imagine that these epigenetic changes might prepare you to fight harder or flee faster the next time you encounter something stressful.”

Pass on Better Genes to Future Generations 

Maybe you have lived through some traumas, but you ended up getting help, went to therapy, or worked on your issues before your DNA began to change its expression. Maybe you laughed with friends, got a good night’s rest, ate a healthy breakfast, and pulled onto the highway feeling well regulated. 

Cortisol isn’t jamming your system and oxytocin is flowing, so you can access your compassion as you drive. Now, say someone cuts you off, honking and speeding past. Rather than getting stressed, you consider their possible circumstances and wave the driver into the lane. 

Just after that, some amazing things happen, inside and out. Your brain’s neuroplasticity forges a new pathway, hardwiring the new habit, making it more likely you’ll be kind and generous tomorrow, too. There’s a boost of serotonin, which regulates mood and anxiety. You also get a dose of oxytocin—that warm, fuzzy “love” hormone that stays elevated for a few hours—and dopamine, another feel-good reward neurotransmitter that helps build habits. 

In other words, generosity and compassion regulate mood and anxiety and make us feel safe enough for compassion. We also feel good when we do a good deed, because we’re activating and building the parts of our brains associated with connection and trust. We are truly acting our way into a new way of feeling and thinking.

Social Contagion Effect

The social contagion effect, observed by Emory University’s James Fowler and Yale’s Nicholas Christakis, shows that acts of kindness and generosity spread from one person to the next. In numerous studies, they demonstrated that merely observing acts of generosity inspires a ripple effect of “downstream reciprocity” in others up to three degrees of separation from you. 

Researchers have also observed many of the same neurotransmitters in both givers and receivers of kindness, although there’s a greater amount in the givers. In one study, researchers asked subjects to spend five dollars either on themselves or someone else. To the surprise of the researchers and subjects, those who gave away the five dollars felt better than those who spent the money on themselves. Neuroscientist Richard J Davidson has said, “The best way to activate positive-emotion circuits in the brain is through generosity.”

When you do something as simple and seemingly small as waving another driver to go ahead of you, you’re happier and more optimistic. Instead of passing mean genes onward to future descendants, you pass along resilient, regulated ones. Plus, your behavior ripples outward by at least three degrees of separation and downward by at least three generations via gene expression. This is truly the start to becoming a good ancestor, literally and figuratively.

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Christopher Willard, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist at Harvard Medical School and author of more than eighteen publications for children and adults. An international speaker and mindfulness educator, his books include Growing Up Mindful and Raising Resilience.  

Well Being Journal adapted the above excerpt from How We Grow Through What We Go Through by Christopher Willard, PysD. Copyright 2022 Christopher Willard and reprinted with permission of Sounds True.