By Roe Chiacchio, RN

It is estimated that 10,000 people turn 65 years old every day and are living longer. They are entering the second half of their lives and how they confront this transition of aging is where conflicts or challenges occur.

Many of us arrive at this chapter of our lives only to turn away and resist accepting it because we mistakenly see these later years offering us illness, loss, depression, mental and physical decline, and death. 

On the other hand, this period offers us an opportunity to reexamine the wisdom and knowledge we have gathered and experienced. It is a time of leaving the life of ambition to delve into a life of meaning and value. We now have the time to journey back to visit who we were before we were swept away by obligations and ambitions.

Aging Gracefully

In her book, The Second Half of Life, Angeles Arrien interviewed 86-year-old Martha McCallum. Below are her words of wisdom:

“One morning I was sitting at my kitchen table staring into space. It was one of those windy days when the sun keeps coming out and going in. All of a sudden, a sunbeam crossed my kitchen table and lit up my crystal saltshaker. There were all kinds of colors and sparkles. It was one of the most beautiful sights I’d ever seen. But you know that very same saltshaker had been on that kitchen table for over fifty years. Surely there must have been other mornings when the sun crossed the table like that, but I was just too busy getting things done. I wondered what else I’d missed.”  

Her last two sentences, “I was just too busy getting things done” and “I wondered what else I’d missed,” captured my attention. This made me think of my life and how I have rushed through my days, checking off lists as fast as I could in order to feel that I accomplished something. My ego and perfectionism led me astray from a life of simplicity and true meaning. Now, in the second stage of my life, I am sitting back and striving to live in a more relaxed and meaningful state of mind.

I’ve wondered, what did I miss?  What was I too busy doing to notice what would have given me a moment of wonder, a sense of peace, or the feeling of awe, instead of going to my default go, go, go or do, do, do, multitasking is if it was an Olympic sport I struggled to perfect. 

At this period of life, acknowledging our age “requires us to surrender our egos and begin the process of accepting our aging body and mind,” declares Arrien. Once we accept and relax into this passageway, our hidden gifts can be revealed and made available to us. We will, if we listen, hear the whispers from within about what we want to see, feel, or do. 

Our later years are a time when we can reclaim the wonder and freedom from what has been ignored, suffocated, and covered up due to our busy life. It is time to go beyond our comfort zone and find the strength to feed our curiosity and establish mental flexibility. The idea is to leave our “fixed view of reality behind,” described Arrien. That is, connect with what inspires you and not regress to what is comfortable only to remain stuck in habitual routines. We are not too old to grow and discover who we have become, now that we are filled with a lifetime of experiences and insights. 

Are you living your 50th, 60th, 70th, 80th years of life over and over again by settling into what is secure, familiar, and snug, year after year?   Think about expanding your perspective by seeking what is unknown to you. Many of us are tethered to societal expectations when we could be listening and following the beat of a different drum that calls to us.

In her book, Arrien states, “The indigenous people of the American southwest believe that to cultivate wisdom and character you must develop the capacity to be fluid and flexible like water, warm like fire, and solid like a mountain.” And in the Spanish Pyrenees mountains, “People are encouraged to celebrate their birth date each month for one year, by doing something they have not done before. When we experience the unknown or new, we renew our spirit, develop curiosity, reduce fear, and increase creativity.”

We are also challenging our brain and nervous system by creating new neural pathways along with tuning up our cognition and decision-making skills. Just by being open-minded and flexible, we are keeping our mind challenged and stimulated.

You can look at aging in a more positive way. Instead of looking at life the specific way you want it to be, look at it as it is and work with it.

Ideas for Rediscovering Yourself

• Sit back and spend time alone. Get to know yourself. Find your spirit that lives on as your physical body ages.
• Recognize and uncover your earlier aspirations. 
• Look for experiences you have encountered throughout your life that inspired you. Reconnect with them.
• Step back and look at your life beyond any physical pain, fatigue, or limitations. 
• Find out what prompts you to perform, pretend, or hide. 
• Let go of ego and perhaps social media. 
• Choose experiences over material things. Go for the challenges and memories. You will feel alive again.

Some people feel useless as they mature, while others age and continue to live life with interest and enthusiasm. You have the power to make your later years a time of growth and understanding about the meaning of your life.

What saltshaker moments have you had?

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Roe Chiacchio, RN, CPT, CDP is a personal trainer specializing in cardiac and pulmonary rehabilitation, and she is a certified dementia practitioner. Her articles have been published at PenBay Pilot, Well Being Journal and NCCDP. Her business, ONWARD, Cardiovascular Health, Wellness and Dementia Management is located in Camden, Maine. Her studies include behavioral science, psychology, neuroscience, and gerontology. She also enjoys photography and international travel, and volunteers for the Hopi Nation. Contact: 207 249-8166, or roechiacchio@gmail.com