Release Your “Should”

By Samantha Acton

Have you heard of shoulding? It’s a behavior that saps your happiness and opens you up to unnecessary stress and self-defeat. To make sure you are not heading down this stressful road that can quickly lead to burnout, try turning a “should” into a “can”! 

First, identify some of your “shoulds.” They are the implicit or explicit rules you have about how you should behave or how you ought to behave. We all have them, and they can be pretty sneaky. 

Turn Shoulds Into Cans

Take a day to do this exercise prep if you need to: Carry around a journal and simply try to catch yourself shoulding throughout the day. When you do, write it down. 

Now, the fun part—you get to turn those “shoulds” into “cans.” For every “should,” think about what would be more exciting, bolder, or more positive, and write the appropriate “can” statement underneath it. 

Release Tension

For example, if your “should” is “I should always be agreeable, even when other people aren’t,” your “can” might be “I can respond to people with authenticity, even if I’m not in agreement.” Do this for every “should” and enjoy the blissful release of tension that comes with it!

Life is full of demands—at home and at work—which can lead to a rise in stress and burnout. And with burnout being recognized as a diagnosable condition by the World Health Organization, it’s more important than ever to restore your purpose, energy, and enthusiasm!

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“Release Your ‘Shoulds’” is excerpted from Fuel Your Fire by Samantha Acton. Copyright © 2020 by Simon & Schuster, Inc. Used with permission of the publisher, Adams Media, an imprint of Simon & Schuster. All rights reserved.

Samantha Acton is a wellness coach who is passionate about helping people live their happiest, most fulfilling lives.